By @anesuchikwava28 –
He said, “Tell me something real about you.”
And I paused — not because I didn’t have something real to say, but because I was wondering how real he was ready for.
How do you explain that you are falling in like, while also quietly panicking about your visa status?
That your smile might be genuine, but behind it is a spreadsheet of deadlines, bank statements, and proof-of-address documents?
That you’d like to plan a weekend getaway, but your passport is still with the Home Office?
This is what dating looks like — when your papers are pending.
The Anxiety Beneath the Lip Gloss
On the outside, I was giving soft glam.
Inside? Soft stress.
Before every date, I’d mentally prepare a script for “the talk.”
The one where I might say,
“So, just so you know, I’m in the middle of a visa process…”
“…it’s nothing dodgy…”
“…I’ve got a solicitor…”
And then wait. For the shift.
Some fidget. Some freeze. Some start offering “advice” like they did an immigration module at uni.
Others… just vanish.
Swipe Left on Judgement
I used to try to hide it.
Pretend I was just “in between jobs,”
or “freelancing”
or “doing some admin stuff.”
Because saying, “I can’t work full-time legally right now” felt like stripping in public.
Because no one puts “under review by the Home Office” in their Hinge bio.
One guy said, “So are you looking for love, or a passport?”
I said, “Are you looking for love, or someone to centre your ego?”
Left him right there in Shoreditch with his dry nachos and limited imagination.
The Weight of Wanting Softness
Sometimes I just want to be wooed.
To be held without calculating the risks.
To plan a future with someone without hearing the tick of bureaucracy in the background.
But it’s hard to be soft when your life feels like a pending decision.
When the letter that determines everything still hasn’t arrived.
When love feels like a luxury, and survival takes up so much emotional space.
What I Do Not Want: Pity
What I Do Want: Presence
I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.
I just want you to stay long enough to see that I’m more than a status.
I have hobbies, and bad jokes, and good intentions.
I am not looking for salvation — just sincerity.
Let’s go for coffee.
Ask me about the books I love.
Let me tell you about how my auntie met her husband in a Tesco queue.
Let me dream a little — with someone who isn’t afraid of delays.
Dating Me Means Patience
And paperwork.
And sometimes paying for things in cash because the bank is being weird again.
But it also means resilience.
It means learning how to celebrate small things — a call back, a good meal, a day with no letters from the Home Office.
It means I love like someone who knows what it means to stay when it’s hard.
To anyone dating with papers pending:
You are not alone.
You are not “less than.”
You are worthy of love that is not conditional on your postcode or passport.
And one day, when all the documents are in place,
you’ll look back and realise —
you were the most courageous kind of lover all along.
